We Are Lost & Found ♥
But love is gonna save us.
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that you cant help but being jealous right?
anyway im a seriously insane girl
who belongs in the seriously insane family
i first cry on 23 August im hyper 15 and i love chocolates and Vintage once bornED.
hate me? Click here
to shoo.
love me? wish u a happy stay.
Oh and do my feedbackFORM(:
yeah, like real, no one is born perfect
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♥ 3B2 '10
♥ pooh
♥ pooh again
♥ friend
♥ friend
♥ friend
♥ friend
♥ friend
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Saturday, June 26, 2010, @ 10:49 PM
In the short time I have lived
I've learned how to appreciate
And I've learned how to give.
But in these past few months
There's two I'll remember most
I've learned how to love
And I've learned to let go.
You entered my life with such a force
And left it with one as strong
And though we tried to make it last
We both knew it wouldn't be long.
I lie at night and think about
How I'm the one to blame.
If only I would have trusted you,
I could have missed this pain.
And so I spent each day of my life
With my heart in pieces
And when I thought it could never be cured,
Something happened; I expected it least.
I guess my soul was all cried out,
And it was tired of being used.
And even though I know I'm guilty,
I was tired of being accused.
And so I've learned to end this
Without an urge to cry
These are my final words to you,
"I love you and goodbye."
♥baby don't you hit my heart
@ 10:49 PM
@ 10:49 PM
Friday, June 25, 2010, @ 4:14 PM
FIRISTLY,
BIG THANKS to J for making my day so nice!!
okay., hmm morning woke up, RAIN>< bathed in cold water-.-
then online.. waitwait.. then meet J @ serangoon macs for BRunch-.-
sit there.. he look @ me I look @ him.. haha
then walked back to mrt, took purple line with him, I supposed to pei him to ps, then in the end he walk with me to the red line so I can take train to town.. hmmm really good friend. good one. worth cherishing..
true? true? false ? false?
but I think he;s good as a friend. hahas
♥baby don't you hit my heart
@ 4:14 PM
@ 4:14 PM
@ 8:55 AM
Homework MISSION
~English 20 vocabulary
~English 2 newspaper article
~A math worksheet [2]
~E math worksheet [1]
~Chinese [individual]
~Chemistry TYS
~Literature essay of CCM
~Geog ws
~ss something..
9 more to go..
ENglish can hold on..
so.. 7 more to go!
Doing chinese individual, and geog today. maybe + BOTH maths. hmmm
DIE DIE MUST FINISH BOTH MATHS AND CHEM!!
♥baby don't you hit my heart
@ 8:55 AM
@ 8:55 AM
Wednesday, June 23, 2010, @ 11:26 PM
Should I go his house tomorrow? Quite far lei.. around 11stops..
♥baby don't you hit my heart
@ 11:26 PM
@ 11:26 PM
@ 10:23 AM
I still see your face in my dreams
It hurts and it doesn't help at all
I still want you in my life as crazy as that seems
I want you to catch me when I fall
I still remember the first time we met
There was something so different about you
Your friendship was something I wanted to get
That smile when you said hi to me was so new
Out of no where you called me on the phone
I wanted to sit there and talk to you forever
You were so new, so crazy and unknown
I just knew that our friendship would never sever
Two years and we are barely holding it together
What happened to the way this all used to be
I never wanted you out of my like ever
I sat there for a long time pretending not to see
We decided to go out and make it all all right
It didn't work out of course we knew it couldn't
We couldn't even really stand each others sight
It shouldn't end this way but it did and I shouldn't
I miss you and everything you were to me
Ten years from now we will look back on it all
We will be older and finally be able to see
That love will stand the test of time and never fall
It will never be the same. Never. Reading facts of what you have written/ expressed, I've already known that I'm no longer as valuable as before. My postition is just no where, left in suspense. Nothing can be done and no one can help.
♥baby don't you hit my heart
@ 10:23 AM
@ 10:23 AM
Tuesday, June 22, 2010, @ 12:06 AM
It's time to go, to leave this place
A shadowy voice does cry.
But the voice belongs to me alone,
And still I wonder why.
The time is here upon me now
Like a weight, heavy pounding.
Or has it Lifted? Hard to tell
The Questions keep arising.
The unknown awaits, as it does
For foolish few who dare.
Is it foolishness?
Curiosity perhaps?
Or something I'm not aware.
For I am scared and poignant now
More than ever at present.
Tears cloud my eyes as pen meets paper,
And I hope for my ascent.
I leave behind what I comprehend
And even with all communication.
I know for now without doubt,
I drift, en route a new location.
But who's to say what shall pass
And what still lies ahead.
I only know that were I'm at,
I'll yearn 'till forever dead.
Yet for now the flame still burns inside
However daily dying.
To light the path less traveled by
In haste I'm already striding.
But am I running from that I cannot?
Escape from oneself is ever brief.
Before we are again confronted,
Hunting for relief.
Yet still I follow my perilous path
To wherever it might be leading.
And well it may, onto something new,
And strangely more inviting.
Or perhaps not,
But who's to know, not I as yet
The fate of anyone on this Earth,
I wouldn't like to bet.
For life can lead in many ways
Often now undesired.
Fate can deal a cruel hand sometimes,
But we play on, cold and tired.
And art is born of life
Hard, dejected and trodden.
Hence emerges exquisite beauty,
And some direction from the coffin.
Finding it is a difficult thing
Sometimes left without thought.
But time it ticks, and years they fly,
I'm sure it can't be bought.
So we search, as do I
For things that bring on the 'morrow.
The weak are those who don't pursue,
And languish in their sorrow.
Happiness is that I chase
And hope to find someday.
I'll count the means again I'm sure
looking towards the day
♥baby don't you hit my heart
@ 12:06 AM
@ 12:06 AM
Monday, June 21, 2010, @ 11:56 PM
I sometimes find I'm drifting
Through this life without effect;
I often wonder if I'm truly
Worth what I've been blessed.
I search through days that have been hard,
To try to understand,
The many trials that I have known,
The life that I have had.
You see me in my daily grind,
So confident and strong;
Yet when I am alone, I question
Just where I belong.
I often try too hard I find,
To analyze and guess,
To scrutinize, investigate
My life I will confess.
For somewhere deeper, there must be
Some meaning to this life,
Some way to make a difference,
Give a reason for this strife.
Is there some hidden meaning?
Some agenda to be found?
A greater purpose waiting
If I care to hang around?
It teases and it taunts me,
Always slightly out of sight;
A hazy vision out of reach,
Where darkness hides the light.
I struggle to bring clarity
To what awaits me there,
And yet this weak illusion
Always fades before my stare.
It seems the harder that I try,
To focus through the haze,
Just serves to add more questions,
Through my endless, tired gaze.
Perhaps I'm trying just too hard,
To understand it all,
For can we ever truly know
Just what we have in store?
Each incident, each moment passed,
Just adds upon the next,
But in the end, will I find truth
Or will I be perplexed?
Perhaps I make it harder
Than it has to be sometimes,
But will my searching bring to me
My meaning over time?
Or will it leave me broken,
And confused as I feel now,
While questions bring no solitude,
To this, my wrinkled brow.
Do you really understand me? I doubt so. I've been use. Am I not? In order to maintain friendships, I always give in Even when it hits my bottom line, I still give in. And what DO it get back? nothing, nothing and nothing. No one really cherish to what I do, even my father. He just uses me as a spare tyre. When he needs me, he'll use me. When he has his friends? JUST DUMP ME ASIDE! HEy really, stop, think, is this really what I'm supposed to get? Is the amount of pain in me defined? It will never be easy for me to define it. I cant do anything but to endure.
♥baby don't you hit my heart
@ 11:56 PM
@ 11:56 PM
Sunday, June 20, 2010, @ 11:41 AM
What I wished for beofore the end of the June holidays;
~Out with Z
~Out with J ( that one can be first week of school reopens)
~If possible, out with (him and her)
^'m not sure if taht is possible cos I'm still comtemplating..
I've shown improvements and That is for myself to know. Well, hard and tough procedure, but i'm persevering on, with other people and yah..
Though fone not ringing that much anymore, but still good.. hmm ( normally monthly sms will be 4000++, guess this month will be 100 ++, not overshooting 1000? )
Well, still many emotions unable to be let out.
♥baby don't you hit my heart
@ 11:41 AM
@ 11:41 AM
Thursday, June 17, 2010, @ 6:22 PM
I'm back from Tampines.
I bought a bag and 3 shirts.
Bag- DIRTY brown colour, sling, rectangular
Shirts- brown, yellow and pink. SUPER BRIGHT.
The bad I have NO idea how to match it with my clothes.. and whether to sling it or carry side. HOW? I need alot alot of comments. Can someone help?
Okayokay.. I also bought another bag. Its a 3-way vintage bag(:
YAY!. hmmm this rectangular one.. I like cos its nice, but i dono how to match.. hehe
okay nothing much, now going to ... ??
slack bahhs
♥baby don't you hit my heart
@ 6:22 PM
@ 6:22 PM
Wednesday, June 16, 2010, @ 10:29 PM
I LIKE YOU
I LIKE YOU
I LIKE YOU
I LIKE YOU
I LIKE YOU
I LIKE YOU
I LIKE YOU
I LIKE YOU
I LIKE YOU
I LIKE YOU,
dO y0u kn0w?
It really hurts me when we're just frens, and I cant stand it talking to your with just friends? when then can I say? Once bitten twice shy, I dont have the courage to do so. I have a hunch that it will be a failure if I don it once again. help.
♥baby don't you hit my heart
@ 10:29 PM
@ 10:29 PM
Tuesday, June 15, 2010, @ 10:17 PM
TOO LATE
I didn't know I loved you
Until you went away.
I didn't much think of you
Up to that final day.
The music that was you
I only noticed when it stopped.
I didn't take the time to
Tell you that I cared a lot.
My love of life went with you
Too late for me to say
I didn't know how much I loved you
Until the day you went away.
♥baby don't you hit my heart
@ 10:17 PM
@ 10:17 PM
Friday, June 11, 2010, @ 9:30 AM
Struggled;
I'm pulling through, soon getting out of my tightened circumfrence, out of my comfort zone, and start following people.
I'll not be the one you all used to see, or hear about. I'll be a changed person that people think I should be, or rather need to be. Yes its growings tage, people tend to change, and so do I. In order to fit into my "age" group, I have to change. Less stubborn, less selfish.
I once heard my mum saying I've been used alot a times by my CM, or even SM. But I tot that was the way to hold friendships. I dont think it is correct anymore. People ask me bring pinafore early in the morning, Even if its not my route to my destinaiton, I still try my best to help. When someone gets lost, I immediately rushed rushed rushed to help the person, but with all this, what do I get? And the 'outsside" people tends to say I'm kinda of clinging onto people in THAT way. Asking friends to go out , to accompany you is normal, I just need the "love" of frens, I'm losing it. And one person just tell me an answer; "wtf" ?
Well, zoey's changing now. CURRENTLY
♥baby don't you hit my heart
@ 9:30 AM
@ 9:30 AM
Tuesday, June 8, 2010, @ 9:21 PM
Tired YET enjoyable;
Today woke up @ 10.22am, (reminded the time by Ah Yee Ruxin). Supposed to meet her at 11am at Bishan. Realised that I couldnt rush on time, dragged till 1130, then 12, and at 12, I'm pratically still AT home-.- Oh well, Then weather was,raining! Cool but troublesome yeah? Luckily, Ruxin's father drove and kkiindly picked me up! YAY! Then realised that her brother was inside.. Hmm but didnt greet him "uncle" HEH. sound so old.. Then realise he look rather okay from behind, haha. Random, yes. Then finally Ruxin and I arrived at Junction 8..
We had a GOOD time thinking of what to eat.. hmmm THAI EXPRESS!!
Ordered some boneless chicken, Tom yam Soup, Spicy 4-seasons beans and my Ice choclate and her Lemongrass tea! (: Oh not forgetting 2 plates of rice yeah(;
And what's worse, she's treating me, I feel so bad. We ordered so much till the waitress pulled another table for us. HAHA. Total cost: $38.__ (forgot the cents.) Hehe.
Then walked around... we then went to the colouring area. You know the squeeze squeee thing then colour come out, colour it, then put it in oven and tADA its done? yeah that onee. Picture below((: ITS MY WORK PIECE! HEHE((:
Nice? Sadly I didnt take Ruxin's one . Sad. Then we went up to top floor, ACARADE!! Drums.. YAY! Then basketball! YAY. can lose weight! hahas. Then racing! cool .I used one hand to drive((: !st summore((: Then bought a jeans from New Future; Dark grey! ((: Like elephant colour! (: okayokay, Say no more. lesson and lesson and more lessons tomorrow.
♥baby don't you hit my heart
@ 9:21 PM
@ 9:21 PM
Monday, June 7, 2010, @ 9:19 PM
I've to stop clinging. Blood is THICKER than water
The problem lies in me. I have to take it away. Stop clinging, zoey! Its over. Stop it. I have to get over it and start afrest. Stop holding on to just one person. Its a stupidiest thing ever. Not even anyone will like it. I'll just be a quiet gal, not much initiativee anymore.People talk to me, I'll talk to them. People dont talk to me, I will not too. This is a new habit I need to have. I rather then now be reliant of relatives than frens. Blood is thicker than water.
From this time on, 9.24pm, 7/6/10 ; it then starts the non-initiative campaign.
Today quite slack. Went to ruxin's house. Tmr will be meeting up wif her. Thinking about thursday makes me shiver.
♥baby don't you hit my heart
@ 9:19 PM
@ 9:19 PM
Sunday, June 6, 2010, @ 2:59 PM
Feelings BEFORE emotions.
B'cos you're my best(rather, true) friend, I take every single word of yours seriously. DO you now know, how much you've hurt me?In life, I may look like I'm just a happy, easy-going gal. I'm however, not here to be bullied. You see, even my mum has realised that I've knid of been bullied. I feel like I'm a ball. My life's just revolving around the rough floor. When they need me, the just call my name and i'll appear. But when they do not need me, they'll just kick me aside. Where did my life go to then? When I see people in need, I help them at my own initiative, do they know about it? They just tell me to not care. And the poor stupid me just cry over it. Oh well, feelings come before emotions. So do think twice before doing it again.
Today is house cleaning day. I'm packing stuff now.. almost done.
♥baby don't you hit my heart
@ 2:59 PM
@ 2:59 PM
Saturday, June 5, 2010, @ 10:22 PM
I WANNA WATCH MARMADUKE! Can some kind soul person go wif me please?
Hey, today nothing much. I bought 2 Faux Fred Perry sleeve shirt!! (:
♥baby don't you hit my heart
@ 10:22 PM
@ 10:22 PM
Friday, June 4, 2010, @ 10:14 PM
New Online Dress;
Looks dark but I think its still seenABLE..
okayokay, back to business, oh well, does the dress suit mee?
I'm still comtemplating..comment comment..
Should I sell it off?
Hahas. okay.
SCREWED.
I HAVEN/ done my piano homework and its due tomorrow, 2pm!
urghh, tomorrow morning then do..
Dont really like group lessons, cant ask teacher properly.. worst ting, I"M THE ONLY gAL!
oh well. okay who can help me do? lolx.
nothing else. nothing else. byebyebyebyebye(SPAM)
♥baby don't you hit my heart
@ 10:14 PM
@ 10:14 PM
Monday, May 31, 2010, @ 6:49 PM
Today was a rushing and tiring day.
-Firstly, went to serangoon macs to get project stuff properly done..
-Then went to school to..uh huh return report book/
-Then go childcare centre for service learning. Its our last day there and all had fun.
However, thats how I feel on the outside. How about my inside?
Its feeling kind of empty, something's bugging my heart.. and I cant seem to fling it off. Its a feeling that I once felt and it was really no good.. but I just figure it out why. I should let go.
thats the freaking problem with me. i'm clinging onto stuff that I konw its already not possible. Maybe I've cherished it too deep and that I cant let go easily. I'm like eating chewing gum and I just cant open my mouth cos its way to sticky. I know I've to let go. Yes i'll.
going to bathe now, quieten down, and start afresh
How do you walk away from someone you love
And take the road of friend;
Can you reroute the course you have taken
And start over once again?
I don't really want to let you go
But inside me I know I must;
The times we've loved . . . the times you've left
My heart says stay . . . but it's my mind I must trust.
We have shared so much together
Laughter, fun times, tears;
Yet sometimes we can't turn back time
We must walk away, and allow ourselves to heal.
I know one day you will be happy
And your soulmate you will find;
I know we each have one out there
Even if for now , only in our minds.
May life be gentle with you
May God's best come your way;
And on some quiet tomorrow
You will realize things were better this way.
♥baby don't you hit my heart
@ 6:49 PM
@ 6:49 PM
Sunday, May 30, 2010, @ 12:27 PM
At one point, I loved you more than anything
You were my sunshine after the rain;
But with you went my only light,
And I felt nothing but pain.
It's been quite a few years since then,
I've rebuilt my heart and put your memory to rest.
But even after moving on in life,
I can't lift this heavy weight off my chest.
A part of my past is an open book,
Whose pages have gone unread.
That part is you, not a big surprise,
And I can't let go of the last thread.
You haunt me in my dreams at night,
And you plague my every thought.
How do you expect me to let go,
When I don't even know if you're alive or not?
If only I could see you one more time,
Just to know you're ok and doing fine.
That would help me so very much,
And bring some peace to this heart of mine
TODAY
-maybe going to check out got any phone promotions.(:
-going to some changi south hospital to visit my mama's sister..
-maybe going ikea for dinner?
-SIGN REPORT BOOK!
-DEAD!!
♥baby don't you hit my heart
@ 12:27 PM
@ 12:27 PM
Saturday, May 29, 2010, @ 10:58 PM
Sickening feeling creeps into my heart
And it slowly spreads up to my mind
You take my hopes, destroying it all
As I watch my dreams become your life
I’ve waited years and for you not at all
I’ve worked all my life only for nothing
I’ve hoped and prayed just to once find a way
Just to find that it’s nothing, it’s all gone away
There in the shadows I’m hidden away
Never to see the light ever again
To you, it is nothing, just some simple thing
But to me it would mean everything
Why is it so easy for you and yet so hard for me
Your dreams have found you while I’ve searched forever
I know we’ll both get what we deserve someday
At least I know I’ll never give up
I know that my dream will come true
And when you forget that dream we shared so long ago
I will remember it until the end of time
You have everything but you think it is nothing
I have nothing, but my hope is everything
Today nothing much. Morning.. slackslack..
Afternoon lesson, HENG AH. teacher nvr check my homework..
Then go grandpa house put down a induction cooker named FAFALA=.=
Then go...Northpoint jalanjalan..
Then to MAMA house, got CENTURY EGG! YUMYUM!
Then now back home, tiredd, sleepy. Turnig in soon.
♥baby don't you hit my heart
@ 10:58 PM
@ 10:58 PM
Friday, May 28, 2010, @ 10:52 AM
YESTERDAY
Went out with Vanessa and Duane.
Vanessa; I love your outfit yesterday sweet and pretty.
Duane; Hey you know what/ Your fashion taste really changed quite a fair bit.. (:
For myself, I've became much much matured in a day. Oh my, I ddont wanna feel matured. I'm not gonna wear that outfit for a period. Hmm
Went to watch SHREK.
The movie was nice, but compared to the previous 2, I cant find any link.. heh ><
Today maybe I was rather quiet.. I didnt speak much. She talked to him more. They had much 'click" EVEN during the midst of the movie.. I quietly sitted there, watching alone, laughing alone, tearing alone..
somehow or rather, I feel far from him. I mean as a friend.. I wanted him to be like that time.. helping me along.. etcetc. He once told me that he would help me till my fearness of darkness is gone.. but it doesnt seem to be true anymore. He's not close to me.. He was ONCE my kor, now never. Never. NEVER.
Its hard for me to 'click' with him already.
ps; today very ps, I wear damn freaking matured and I didnt know. so ps in front of guys summore.
Watching you from across the room
sends searing pain through my heart.
I think back to a year ago,
when I thought we'd never part.
My love for you just won't die down -
it just grows with each new day.
I wish you'd dare to look at me
and hear what I have to say;
"I love you and I want you back - "
but these words you just won't hear.
You don't seem to remember them -
all the memories I hold dear.
You were my first kiss, my first love
and now you don't even care.
How could you just blow it away?
We were the perfect pair.
you seem content to let me go -
You're doing fine as you are,
while I'm still missing how we were.
We had the best love by far.
♥baby don't you hit my heart
@ 10:52 AM
@ 10:52 AM
Wednesday, May 26, 2010, @ 7:18 PM
Loves memory has traced our outline in this place.
But will the spider remember, or the sun?
Did the water capture our faces in permanence?
Does the wind create us anew as it blows?
Did the shadows from the trees record our passage beneath them?
Our secret been revealed.
Yet I have told no other.
I write these words in silence, in mute testimony
To what once was.
But our image remains alive in this place.
It can not be removed.
You, me,
We then,
Were here.
We saw the day and hoped for tomorrow.
We caught a brief glimpse of love's promise.
We were not liars,
But thieves of time.
For now time has now forgotten us,
Yet our memory lingers, and love remembers
This place that was ours
Today was technically the leasy day of school.
Tomorrow my mum will go to school to collect report book. I'm scared, terrified.
Today was techincally the last day of teaching for Fan lao shi. He didnt come cos he's sick. Well, I was rather sad. He is a very fantastic teacher. He made my math jumped 4 grades! I really wanna keep in contact with him so that my chinese can be helped by him.
Chapel was nice too. I like the singing and the testimony..
Went for lesson, and just backed. Heard thunder. Maybe's its going to rain.I'm gonna prepare my prayer for tonight. God please help me. Hallelujah
♥baby don't you hit my heart
@ 7:18 PM
@ 7:18 PM
Monday, May 24, 2010, @ 9:30 PM
Left alone in the past
Forgotten friendships buried, never meant to last
She walked away from me
Why couldn't I foresee?
Time standing still
Another way to deal, another pill
The sky is gray with hate
One thing tore us apart, your fate
Now what will you do?
Who will confide in you?
Remember the times we shared?
Remember how well we paired?
The consequences are tough
You only knew how to treat me rough
Who is next in line?
Will you, too, break their spine?
Look at what you've done
This time I will stand in front of you, I won't run
Don't bother me anymore
All you touch, you tore
What you wanted, you took
Now I glance back, I take one last look
You left me alone in your past
Forgotten friendships buried, never meant to last
Oh didnt you realise? Your tone, you attitude, its changing. ALOT. oh well,Its just drifting apart. I think I agree with my mum. I'm being used by you. I'm like just a ball. When you need me, you will use me. When you dont need me, you'll just leave me aside. ou are self centered, and also, two-sided face.
Secrets. Whats the difination of secret?not being passed around. And what did you do? You just say it WIDELY. Hey come'on whats the Now you are unwell. haaving rash, and what do you say? You said indirectly that I was the blame for your itch. Hey come on! Firstly, Its not contagious. Doc certified it. Secondly, I didnt even TOUCH you or even get in contact with you. Its rather more of C pass to you if you tink is contagious please. And what , your tone just scolded me and do you know how hurt I was. I'm just showing a happy face but I"M NOT!
Oh fine, since this way, I'll just let it go, i'll give up.. follow with the wind alright.
Back to school
Since today Amabel & grace didnt come,
Piglet and Pooh decided to sit together,
worse thing is, I need to sit with her INfront=.=
Contact time until 920..nothing much
A math.. slack..
Recess.. pooh joined in together with shirely..
English.. boring.. yawns.
Pe.. slack..(didnt take pe cos got mc (: )
lit.. slack..
lunch slack...
E math.. slack..
O level music.. hmmm quite fun. Learn Indian music.. time passes quite sslow though.
Tomorrow is E learning day, so no school! BUT, need to go back to school:(
CCCA lorhs.
♥baby don't you hit my heart
@ 9:30 PM
@ 9:30 PM
Sunday, May 23, 2010, @ 8:50 PM
Oh gentle winds 'neath moonlit skies,
Do not you hear my heartfelt cries?
Below the branches, here about,
Do not you sense my fear and doubt?
Side glistening rivers, sparkling streams,
Do not you hear my woeful screams?
Upon the meadows, touched with dew,
Do not you see my hearts a'skew?
Beneath the thousand twinkling stars,
Do not you feel my jagged scars?
Seek not my mournful heart kind breeze,
For you'll not find it 'mongst these trees.
It's scattered 'cross the moonlit skies,
Accompanied by heartfelt sighs.
It's drifting o're the gentle rain,
A symbol of my silent pain.
It's buried 'neath the meadow fair,
Conjoined with all the sorrow there.
It's lost among the stars this night,
Too far to ease my quiet fright.
No gentle winds, seek not my heart,
For simply ... it has torn apart.
Why do I feel this way, or that way. this way, that way.
I should be delighted about it. But it seem that my feelings and words are contradicting.
When you are happy, I'm sad. When you're sad, I'm happy.
I'm kind of feeling that i'm getting selfish.
What is wrong with me.
Jealousy?
Yesh/No ?
Who can I blame?
Who can I speak to?
Its not to be said in public.
I can only turn to god. Only him can help.
Jealousy someetimes, can really bring one's mind too far and "damage" it.
I'm feeling like.. salt being rubbed on my opened wound.
Who then, can mend it?
Who then, can help me?
Who then, can share the burden with me,
Other than GOD?
♥baby don't you hit my heart
@ 8:50 PM
@ 8:50 PM
@ 12:06 AM
I've learned a lot of lessons
In the short time I have lived
I've learned how to appreciate
And I've learned how to give.
But in these past few months
There's two I'll remember most
I've learned how to love
And I've learned to let go.
You entered my life with such a force
And left it with one as strong
And though we tried to make it last
We both knew it wouldn't be long.
I lie at night and think about
How I'm the one to blame.
If only I would have trusted you,
I could have missed this pain.
And so I spent each day of my life
With my heart in pieces
And when I thought it could never be cured,
Something happened; I expected it least.
I guess my soul was all cried out,
And it was tired of being used.
And even though I know I'm guilty,
I was tired of being accused.
And so I've learned to end this
Without an urge to cry
These are my final words to you,
"I love you and goodbye."
♥baby don't you hit my heart
@ 12:06 AM
@ 12:06 AM
Friday, May 14, 2010, @ 4:23 PM
I'm back from OBS people!
Okayokay,quite tiring, but I perservered on, and I managed to PULL through! YAY
hmmm okay, I was with 15 other mates and a MALE instructor named...er.. llewell. YEP!
He's quite a lame person. HAHA. But very fun, nice, encouraging, etc!
He takes cares of us alot!
hehe, yeah. well.. 5 days of camp was tiring, but I've learnt alot of stuff, and had much self reflection.
And not forgetting, my UNGLAMS. gosh.
Thats realy had. HAHA
hmmm I've been eating canned food and food that my peers cooked.. taste ah.. hmmm
Then we were like back to basics.. business have to be done in the forest..
We rowed a boat... FUN.
But i dont really like the trekking.
I carried a 8++ kg haversack bag to trek, ON uneven road=.=
What's worse,
RAIN.=.=
Wearing a super big poncho and walk is bad! Almost tripped. -.-
YAYA. Had thousannds of mosquito bites too.Eee
hmmm yeah, thanks LLEWELL for your encouragement and etcetc!
oh and I realised that your name is symmetrical too!
hehe, hope we can keep in touch too yeah.. LOL?
thanks anw!
I've found a new twin, (catually is found by my instructor), is EUNICE ! FROM MY CHI CLASS!!
Now is considered triplets, cos Me, Eunice and Calista!! (; YAY
But now.. I'm kind of packing my stuff, then gonna take a long bath, and GO for piano lesson.! urghh.. :(
tiredtired...
♥baby don't you hit my heart
@ 4:23 PM
@ 4:23 PM
Thursday, April 29, 2010, @ 5:46 PM
I'm dead-ing my blog for awhile.
Oh well, simple reason.
I'm studying for common tests, and I have no freaking idea what to talk 'bout,
Oh well, I'm kind of having mixed feelings now, but i'm trying to not let it afffect me.
Liking him, wats wrong?
to be, BiG wrong. I shouldnt like someone who is my fren's previous life's one.
♥baby don't you hit my heart
@ 5:46 PM
@ 5:46 PM
Sunday, April 18, 2010, @ 7:52 PM
feeling down
You keep pissing me off
trying to get in my head
you never seem to stop
untill you finally win
I don't need the stress
I don't need the drama
I'm trying to get better
but you're makin things worse
i just want to give in
want to dig in my wallet
pull out what's been hiding
in the inside pocket
trying to be careful
not to get cut by sharp edge's
draging it across my skin
every so softly
wondering if it will ever be wroth it
so much running through my head
all whats been going on
wish it would stop
wish it would end
feels like im about to pass out
if I don't do something quick
breaking down in tears
barring my hands into my face
wondering if anyone would ever care
to ask me
if every thing is fine
♥baby don't you hit my heart
@ 7:52 PM
@ 7:52 PM
Saturday, April 17, 2010, @ 12:48 AM
Today's heARTbeat was a success, but i'm kinda of sad cos he didnt come.
Mr pang went high halfway through, when we were at backstage with NO lights, he held th elight sticks, (glow) then he pretend to conduct us, he so funny(: Then when i walked down the stairs, I said BYE to him, the he look at me, innocently, then I asked him whey he never conduct, then he AM CHIO to me-.- act cool yeahh.. but SOOOO FUN! THanks for all to make heARTbeat successful!
♥baby don't you hit my heart
@ 12:48 AM
@ 12:48 AM
Monday, April 12, 2010, @ 8:57 PM
After today's rehearsal, I get a better understanding of my ___. I'm washing my hands off. They misunderstood us, shouldnt they give us a chance to say the truth? Why are authorities so proud!
They discriminated them, what rights do they have. We give them the respect, will they give us the respect that we deserve?
♥baby don't you hit my heart
@ 8:57 PM
@ 8:57 PM
Sunday, April 11, 2010, @ 1:53 PM
I'm speechless.
I may not always know the right words to say
To show my feelings for you
As hard as it can be for me
It’s all I can ever do
Hoping one day you’ll ask me out
That be the most happiest day of my life
To hug you tighter then ever and kiss you
But I have my doubts
I’m not as pretty as other girls or as skinny as them
But I do have a body, a mind and a soul
That has feelings stronger then them
Unlike them your smile makes my whole
Oh how I’d love to kiss you and be with you
For the rest of my life shall I say?
I’ve only known you for a second, a minute, an hour and a day
But what else can I ever do
♥baby don't you hit my heart
@ 1:53 PM
@ 1:53 PM
Wednesday, April 7, 2010, @ 10:29 PM
*WARNING*
The poem below is fiction. Dont believe that much I guess.
We used to be good friends
and I felt even more
you could tell me anything
and I never did get bored
and then one day she came alone
and you were swept away
so I was left alone again
to dream of yesterday
but I decided to let you go
and not to make a scene
even though she stole you
and swept away my dream
still I thought I could be strong
and got out and do the right thing
but you never seemed to leave my mind
of you my heart would sing
what have you done to me?
And when will it end?
Something is not right
I won't try to pretend
I can't get over you
No matter how hard I try
And when I see you with her
My heart begins to die
Since the day you walked away
Nothing but you seems real
And I know you can't help it
I just don't appeal
The other girl sees me
And she knows who I am
That I couldn't keep you
And she's sure that she can
But I can't stand looking at her
And wishing it was me
She's so sure of her self
Something I never can be
So what will I do
To make this pain leave
I can't stand it anymore
Make it stop.
Please....
♥baby don't you hit my heart
@ 10:29 PM
@ 10:29 PM
Tuesday, April 6, 2010, @ 10:15 PM
Am I in a crush state?
sigh, kay today's quite fun I GUESS?
nothing nothing.. alpha beta.. alpha beta... more alpha beta..
not in the night mood yet,.. but mayb in love mood real soon i guess?
♥baby don't you hit my heart
@ 10:15 PM
@ 10:15 PM
Saturday, March 27, 2010, @ 11:36 AM
I'm losing energy, I'm losing inspiration.
Feeling restless, just wanna quit.
I can't write properly, or even a good one.
Whats wrong wif me?
Gawsh, okayokay, back to business, but I'm fine now.
Doing service learning proposal now, must send in to Mr Pang BY 12 NOON =.=
like 21 mins time? rushrush,.. the later go sakae eat with my um then mayb go ION(:
chows!
♥baby don't you hit my heart
@ 11:36 AM
@ 11:36 AM
Wednesday, March 24, 2010, @ 10:14 PM
Satting alone waking for one last cry for help to roll out of my mouth.
I losted you once and never to do it agin.
Feelings of hate come form the same people.
Misunderstood myself.
Lies begain to cover up the pain.
The blood is not falling from wrists anymore.
Can not find the feeling of not be numb.
Nothing is the same, school, friends, and family.
We are apart, and I never get to see your smileing face.
Lost and cold without you here,and now hoping that
we will once be back to the old us.
Wishing that I could go back in time, Knowing I never can.
Now I sat alone waiting on a call that never comes.
♥baby don't you hit my heart
@ 10:14 PM
@ 10:14 PM
@ 9:54 PM
Today lesson quite fun!
morning slack..service learning. lol?
then er.. Physics! wanted to have lesson in class, then projector got problem, so to lab=.=
nothing nothin nothing.. then contact time!! Mr pang ask me do the service learning form in his laptop.I do halfway, never save, then no battery! He still can LAUGH=.= best part, i first time see him laugh"HAHAHA" lol.. okayokay. tomorrow sports day. I'm helping,so nonid to do mass stuff(: byebye!
♥baby don't you hit my heart
@ 9:54 PM
@ 9:54 PM
Sunday, March 21, 2010, @ 1:49 AM
Went for Band concert just now.. just came back..
Held at Dunman High School..
name of concert.. Rhythm 24..
Sw mummyCHENSI playing the trumpet!
So cute!
LOVE YA LOTS, CHENSI MARMIE!
I'M HAPPY FOR THIS, but not for bad stufff. Its not over yet.
♥baby don't you hit my heart
@ 1:49 AM
@ 1:49 AM
Friday, March 19, 2010, @ 10:13 PM
I'm filled with troubles and unsolved mysteries in me. I can describe finish in a poem. I need much affection of care, love and encouragement. But who can help?
NOONE
You came into my life
As quickly as you left.
You grabbed a cutting knife
And sliced right through my breast.
You didn't mean to hurt
But what did you expect?
My heart now cut in two
It feels beyond repair.
Injury done by you
Oh life just isn't fair.
You didn't mean to hurt
But what did you expect?
So here we are, just friends,
But I long to be more.
Desire with no end
Throbbing from my core.
You didn't mean to hurt
But what did you expect?
I'm starting to like him. I have no ideaa why, but it was what my heart just said. I'm kinda of "into" him. I dont wanna like him. I cant be selfish. Its someone's one. Fault comes from just a innocent photo. I have to forget this stuff. Its gonna just be my hallucination
♥baby don't you hit my heart
@ 10:13 PM
@ 10:13 PM
Thursday, March 18, 2010, @ 2:37 PM
I will never forget the days we once had
The days when you were everything to me
My mind used to tell me we'd be together forever
But now I realize that was all a big dream
The feelings I have for you will never go
I wish I could take back that one regretful day
The day when I willingly let you slide from my arms
Never did I think of the astonishing pain of regrets
That I would once have to live through
The sight of you in someone else's arms
Makes my heart shatter into a million pieces
I sometimes wonder if you still think of me
Or if to you, I'm just a face in the crowd
I wish so very much that one day we can have it all back
But for now, I'll sit here silently
Remembering all the memories we once shared
Everyday my love grows much stronger
Hoping that one day you will feel the same
And put back the pieces of my broken heart.
An that is just all I want.
♥baby don't you hit my heart
@ 2:37 PM
@ 2:37 PM
Wednesday, March 17, 2010, @ 10:59 PM
Goin to sleep now! Mum's pushing..sigh.
I'm sleeping with fustrations and unsolved stuff in my head.
I'm sitll fretting bout it. gawsh
Good night to all HUMANS!
♥baby don't you hit my heart
@ 10:59 PM
@ 10:59 PM
@ 12:09 PM
reminded
As we lay there quiet
I was reminded of all the reasons why I lust you
Your smile,
and the way it teased at me seductively
Your laugh,
and the way it tempted me
Your eyes,
and the way they seem to hypnotize me
As we sat there silent
I was reminded of all the reasons why I love you
Your smile,
and the way it brings such life into me
Your laugh,
and the way it makes everything okay
Your eyes,
and the way they seem to read my thoughts
As we stand here now
I am reminded of all the reasons why I hate you
Your smile,
and the way it confuses me
Your laugh,
and the way it seems to mock me
Your eyes,
and the way they can look into mine and not feel a thing
♥baby don't you hit my heart
@ 12:09 PM
@ 12:09 PM
@ 12:11 AM
I'm quite moody today.
I'm quite weird today.. got many feelings today. Today my friend msg me.. I just realised that he changed alot. From when I know him, he wa the kind type, everything suit gals type.. now as tiem flies pass, he's being more stiff, and more negatively. He said that is i think that we cant meet then we cant meet, if can meet then we can meet only time permits us. I'm feeling very distanced all of a sudden from him. I'm too used to his kind an care showned to me and when his stiff attitude comes about, I'm kinda feeling weird. I'm always thinking unnecessary stuff. now even he CAN sense it. gawsh, am I hinting to him something or its just my hallucination. I think its just my hallucination, having some pms i guess. he's just my friend. yes, my friend. dont think too much. sometimes, should just stop msging him, or even make him angry to continue better friendship.
Anyways, I'm single now, not thinking of having any relationships at the moment. NO crushes, NO loves. (: YAY single, or rather with my frens! (: ~
music is my BEST friend!!
♥baby don't you hit my heart
@ 12:11 AM
@ 12:11 AM
Monday, March 15, 2010, @ 1:29 PM
Happy birthday Regina!
Today's the first day of te march holi's and I'm feeling freaking bored.
SORRY VANESSA THAT WE CANT WATCH A MOVIE TONIGHT! I'M SO SORRY. ACCEPT MY APOLOGY!
I'm freaking emo soon.. gawsh.. ughh
I understand the things you say,
Even though it makes me sad,
We sat and had a talk today,
I gave you everything I had.
Even if you don’t come back,
I’ll wait this year for you,
Even if this love you lack,
I’ll do what I want to do,
I’m happy,
even if you’ve gone away,
I continue to keep this love for you,
In hope that you’ll come back to me,
on a distant far found day,
They think I’m stupid, they laugh at what I do,
They criticize and ridicule this love I have for you,
It dosen’t matter anymore, nothing matters anymore,
The only thing that matters anymore, is the love and what its for,
Just know that I will love you,
And maybe that is sad to hear,
But I will do what I want to do,
Even if that means a year.
Maybe you don’t love me,
And you think this will just be more easy,
But I’ll be waiting, in my heart forever,
Even if that means my love for someone else,
Will end up being never.
♥baby don't you hit my heart
@ 1:29 PM
@ 1:29 PM
Sunday, March 14, 2010, @ 1:22 PM
I've steadily turned up the volume
I've carefully put it on surround
Every so often I'd scream
Just to see if you'd notice the sound
I tried to make you listen
I tried to make you see
That inside me is a person
Who just wants to make you believe
I pushed you further and further
I pushed as far as I could
But I never do anything right
Not even my opinion is good
I am giving up
I am giving in
For alone I can never lose
but I never wanted to win
My ah ma birthday today, BUT donno where to go eat!! so weird right. O.O
okayokay, going to mop floor and clean up now! So hot a weather, luckily ytd got rain! (:
♥baby don't you hit my heart
@ 1:22 PM
@ 1:22 PM
Saturday, March 13, 2010, @ 12:19 AM
As the scarlet sunset slowly fades,
And dusk introduces the night,
The crescent moon on center stage,
Gives forth a semblance of light.
Perching on the mossy dock,
Staring out at the mirrored lake,
I reflect on this new battle,
Unsure of which road to take.
In this dark serenity,
I humbly look up to You,
Asking for Your guidance,
To show me what I must do.
Gulls appearing as angels,
Are soaring through the skies,
A congregation of wispy clouds,
Have taken control of my eyes.
Billowing sleeves of purest white,
Seem coming through the haze,
Majestic, gentle, outstretched arms,
At once command my gaze.
Asking for some answers,
You've come with Your embrace,
Through the just born evening,
You've filled me with Your grace.
The water without a ripple,
Reflects this scene from above,
A most magnificent masterpiece,
Painted wholly with Your love.
♥baby don't you hit my heart
@ 12:19 AM
@ 12:19 AM
Friday, March 12, 2010, @ 11:18 PM
I get a funny feeling,
it comes from deep inside.
I get all mad and angry,
wanting to go and hide.
My doctor calls it depression,
my dad says it's just me.
But the thoughts and feelings,
no one will ever be able to see.
Some say I'm psycho,
some say I'm just weird.
It's like I'm a different person,
and the old me just disappeared.
I get really edgy,
I want to commit suicide real bad.
Then I get a headache,
followed by feeling sad.
I wish I could get help,
I wish it would go away.
Maybe if I keep praying real hard,
it will some day.
Today school quite slack, but realising there's alot of homework to do! Still got cca.. sigh
I'm not happy, I really am not.we haven met for about a year. however, meeting her was twice at least. jealousy? nope. envy? yeah.. feel so fortunate for her.. once she ask and she gets it.. me? asked, and asked.. failed. giving up. I'm washing my hands off.
♥baby don't you hit my heart
@ 11:18 PM
@ 11:18 PM
Thursday, March 11, 2010, @ 6:28 PM
was once sad and lonely,
Having nobody to comfort me,
So I wore a mask that always smiled;
To hide my feelings behind a lie.
Before long, I had many friends;
With my mask, I was one of them.
But deep inside, I still felt empty,
Like I was missing a part of me.
Nobody could hear my cries at night
For I designed my mask to hide the lies.
Nobody could see the pain I was feeling
For I designed my mask to be laughing.
Behind all the smiles were the tears
And behind all the comfort were the fears.
Everything you think you see,
Wasn't everything there was to me.
Day by day,
I was slowly dying.
I couldn't go on,
There was something missing..
Until now I'm still searching
For the thing that'll stop my crying.
For someone who'll erase my fears,
For the person who'll wipe my tears.
But till then I'll keep on smiling.
Hiding behind this mask I'm wearing.
Hoping one day I can smile,
Till then, I'll be here.. waiting.
Tomorrow, the disasterous day, report book's coming back.
I realise I like you, crush, love, I really dont know. wanna gimmie a chance?
♥baby don't you hit my heart
@ 6:28 PM
@ 6:28 PM
Wednesday, March 10, 2010, @ 10:09 PM
When all about you is black with gloom,
And all you feel is pending doom.
When your bones are racked with grim despair -
When every breath is a gasp for air.
Keep on going, though you need to grope,
For around the bend is a ray of hope.
A ray of hope is perhaps all that's left,
As your will to live has been bereft.
You've lost it all, it's just no use!
You can end it all, you need no excuse.
But throw away that piece of rope,
And give yourself a chance of hope.
Just give yourself another day,
Brushing aside what your thoughts may say.
This is your life and you can make a new start,
By ignoring the brain - just follow the heart.
Taking baby steps in order to cope,
And minute by minute you'll build on your hope.
Build on your hope,. one day at a time,
Though the road be steep and hard to climb.
The hurts of the past - they should be dead.
The fears of the future are all in your head.
Just live in the present and refuse to mope
Your life will sparkle for you're living in hope.
Tomorrow, another day. Having health problems
♥baby don't you hit my heart
@ 10:09 PM
@ 10:09 PM
Tuesday, March 9, 2010, @ 6:14 PM
Tuesday blues;
nothing much happen,study study... runrun..runrun... homehome...slpslp (soon)
Oh.. hmmm ya nothin happen.Just kinda switched in sudden mood..
I really hope I can have my feelings for you, if thats what you really wished.
A special world for you and me
A special bond one cannot see
It wraps us up in its cocoon
And holds us fiercely in its womb.
Its fingers spread like fine spun gold
Gently nestling us to the fold
Like silken thread it holds us fast
Bonds like this are meant to last.
And though at times a thread may break
A new one forms in its wake
To bind us closer and keep us strong
In a special world, where we belong.
♥baby don't you hit my heart
@ 6:14 PM
@ 6:14 PM
Monday, March 8, 2010, @ 9:35 PM
I have feelings for you its true
Though we both agree
They will never be love
We travel our separate paths
Meeting when we feel a need
So why does your seeking of others
Create this confusion in me
Am I jealous
This relationship has no ground rules
That can be applied in our situation
We dont have a need for trust
Who you see when its not me
Should not bother me
But it does
Am I jealous
Maybe its not jealousy
But more the feeling of impending loss
For soon you will find someone
And then you wont need me again
Someone new will hold you tight
And our paths will no longer cross
Random post! I think my music is getting a B4! and I'll be top 3!
♥baby don't you hit my heart
@ 9:35 PM
@ 9:35 PM